games: Buttons: A Potted History
If there’s one thing that idiots hate about video games, it’s all the buttons. “Not liking all the buttons” is the dividing factor between people like you, and me - excellent people, who deserve medals - and the enemy. The enemy are winning. Games like Nintendo’s Let’s Tap and Microsoft’s Project Natal have virtually eliminated buttons from the gaming world. How did it get to this? Where did our buttons go? Only science can tell us.
PART ONE: THE RISE OF THE BUTTON
When arcade games first started trickling into the arcades, buttons were king. In 1978, SPACE INVADERS laid down the basics. Left, right, and fire. It was fewer buttons than a tramp’s shirt, but it was a start. As humans became aware of the second dimension, they began to demand movement in the crazy world of up and down. Asteroids did this with one button - thrust - and you moved around like five buttons. Clockwise, Anticlockwise, Thrust, Fire, and the excellent Hyperspace panic button. It
Meanwhile, Pac-Man (spits) was the first game to become popular with mothers and simpletons, thanks to a hypnotic wakka wakka sound, and a complete lack of buttons. Seriously - you could play the game with your hands tied behind your back, just using your mouth, if you didn’t mind looking a bit… well, a bit sex-starved.
PART TWO: THE JOYSTICK ATTACKS
Joysticks were coming in, and taking the jobs of honest buttons - take 1981’s Vanguard, from SNK. It had four buttons devoted to firing lasers in four crazy directions. The very next year, Robotron 2084 replaced all four buttons with a joystick, and let you fire in 8 directions. Firing with a joystick? This left millions of buttons unemployed. Piles of buttons mounted up outside factories. Children would come and press the buttons, hoping something would jump or fire a laser. And the sad-eyed janitor had to explain that they were going to be taken away and burned.
PART THREE: BUTTONS AND JOYSTICKS
It was a sad time, when anyone could enjoy video games. Aggressive games like Sinistar would try to keep the casuals out, by shouting “RUN, COWARDS” as you walked past. Meanwhile, William’s Defender was trying to weed out the softcore by giving them heart attacks from the stress and flashing lights. But it was consoles, and the third dimension, that would bring buttons back. Resident Evil used the same control system as Asteroids, so that was useless - but it was the use of the two joysticks to control movement, strafe and camera that meant everything else had to be done with beautiful buttons. Fire, reload, crouch, alt-fire, jump, pause, look at a map, dance, squeal, do this - [chatters teeth, like eating invisible head-level fruit] - all needed a button.
PART FOUR: MORE BUTTONS PLEASE
In 2001, the Xbox introduced the black and white buttons, on controllers so large that you could sit on them, and ride around the house using the vibrate function. They even started hiding buttons underneath the joysticks, which was the sweetest victory after the winter of Robotron 2084. But Capcom weren’t happy with that, though - and released Steel Batallion, a game which required you to sit at a desk, at a huge controller with around 40 buttons. If you had one, then you’re either a hero, or a dick. No-one can decide.
PART FIVE: THE NEWEST THREAT
So, from 1978 to 2002, we’ve gone from 3 buttons, to 40. In 2004, World of Warcraft got PC gamers to use their entire keyboard, so by rights, in 2009, we should have games that require (thinks) 260 buttons. What went wrong? Your mum went wrong. Your mum, who liked Pac-Man, wrote a letter to Nintendo, and she said “Dear Nintendo, I remember Pac-Man didn’t have any buttons, and I liked Pac-Man, also I’m a bit worried I’m fat, and I don’t know what my heart rate is, please help, Love from YOUR MUM PS Did I mention that I’ve got loads more money than my children, who are currently riding around the house on Xbox controllers”.
The button will rise again. As long as we want to accomplish big things with zero effort, the button will be waiting for us. As long as humans get embarrassed when people walk past their window to see them on their Balance Boards, the button will be there.
Stay strong, brothers. Our time will come again.
Very entertaining to read.
Maybe a quick mention of the complete disappearance of button on the iPhone…